Asking ..Why....

So…. Here I am still not able to fully function in life. I can’t go and do the things I used to enjoy without the fear of bursting into uncontrollable tears and embarrassing myself or my family. Not wanting to do anything outside my own four walls. I just want to sleep so I don’t hurt or have to think. In the midst of all this I keep asking why God is not helping me……sadly I come to the conclusion that maybe I am not good enough….

I know this may all sound silly to you, but it is very real to me. Anxiety and depression have taken such a role in my life that I am not the person I used to be. I cannot do the things I once loved any longer. Sure I get up and go to work just like you, I study during the week to make sure I pass my college courses, but at the end of the day I feel am worthless to everyone and so always feel it’s just best to go to bed. I know that this effects my husband and son, as it has made me involved less in activities even around the house. But I again ask why? Why has God not stepped in and helped me?

So let’s throw in on top of this the fact that I suffer from Fibromyalgia. For those of you who do not know what that is, it’s a disease that makes your nerve endings and muscles to constantly over react. When this happens it makes you hurt 24/7 and there is no cure. So couple severe anxiety, depression and horrible pain together…it’s a breeding ground for disaster.

So you are probably thinking that I am writing this looking for sympathy….to be honest I am so lost I don’t know which way is up…but I am sure that I cannot be the only one in the world who is going through this. But each day I continue to ask God….why…..and yet still no answer…..why is that?

Love,

B

Prayer:

Father God,

I come to you seeking relief from these illnesses that are making me to not be able to function. I am asking you to bring me some kind of peace to at some point rise up again. I know you do all things for good…but please place in my heart to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel somehow. I ask so little from you and hope for so much. For it is in Jesus name I pray.

Amen.